Virginia Beach - Sometimes you finish writing an interview, and then you realize that you have a whole article worth of unused material.  That was the case with Guttermouth.  There was so much good stuff I simply could not fit it in one article.  So here it comes - part two of the Guttermouth interview from the Jewish Mother.

33: Are you or have you ever been associated with Red China or communist Cuba?
RF: I have no recollection of that Senator McCarthy.  Give your take on China.  It's interesting, really.  Mark knows a lot more than he lets on about the world.  Right Mark?
MA: I just hate the tip of power and naval superiority with that new missile that China has come up with.

33: Mmm...oh yeah, I was reading about that.  That killer fucker that can't be detected.  I was reading about that months ago.
MA: Yeah, it's pretty scary, but no one is talking about it which is even scarier.  Even with our new, I don't know the name of the ship, but it replaces eight ships in a battle group that's out at sea right now.
RF: It's an Admiral Nelson.
[Note from the Wolfe – Admiral Nelson is the name of a really cheap rum that we were drinking at the moment, the kind that comes in a plastic bottle...you get the idea.] 

33: Now that can take out eight ships.
MA: It's an aircraft carrier.  It can carry up to, I think, 18 tanks.  Personnel carrier only up to 1000 marines.  It's not a big thing, but it can also storm beaches.  The thing's amazing.  It's like an all-in-one destruction machine.  Then China pops up with this thing and spoils the American party again.  Not like party party.
RF: Party!  Woo hoo!
MA:  But China also won't do anything.  Do you think China will do anything with North Korea if anything happens with the Koreans?

33: I don’t think so, actually.  I think...
MA: And why is that?

33: I think there's more of an economical aspect that comes in.  What it's going to come down to is America, despite whatever differences of opinions we have on ideology.  It comes down to the dollars, because no matter what they say their ideology is, they are not communist.
RF: And it's Kim Jong Il's only ally for the most part.

33: It's a loose ally.  Kind of a bitch ally.  Like Mussolini to Hitler.  Hitler was like, “Ah, you're my buddy, let us come through here although we don’t really care about you...”
RF: He's a pest amongst the world...

33: You can't really get rid of him.
MA: He's no Castro where you get to bring your homo brother in when you're not feeling well.

33: Alright, you guys just came from North Carolina.  How was the Soapbox?
MA: Fun.
RF:  Oh yeah, that's right.  We did our laundry.  That was the coolest part.
MA: Well, we did our laundry.  They didn't know we did our laundry.
RF: I do.  I thoroughly enjoyed that place.  It was cool.

33: You can be doing your laundry while having a PBR tallboy.
MA: I might as well drink the dirty water off my clothes rather than PBR.

33: Probably the same alcohol content.
MA:  And it will give you the little smokies like nobody's business.  America's number one beer in 1860.
RF: Wait, isn't that Yuengling's in 1892?

33: I thought it was older than that...
MA: One time, I walked in on my friend's mom...

33:  Wait, that sounds like a great story.  Let's run with it...
MA: I'm not going to say who it was.  I was living at their house.  This is when I was young, so I was
kind of bouncing from place to place.  So I came home from work that day, and I was going to
go skate this little ramp down the street, and so she walked in and was like, “Aarrr!”  So, she's drinking some medication - not sure, it's in a prescription bottle - going "John's [her boyfriend] going to kill me if you don't do the dishes."  I'm just too tired, so I'm like, "I can't, I have things to do."  She says, "I will give you fifty dollars."  I'm like alright, so I take a shower, went and did the dishes.  She's out like a light on the couch.  I walked in and said her name.  I'm all like, "Wake up, wake up."  She woke up, and I'm all like, "Hey, you got to pay me, and she just starts peeling bills off, and I mean peeling bills off.  Then, she takes another big, old swig, and I just went for it.  I got paid several, probably close to $500 for doing dishes that night.  Three days later, I found her in the kitchen, broken glass everywhere, passed out cold.  I was moving out, and I was pissed.  I literally walked over her, which is horrible.  I was 16 years old, and I thought she was crazy.  So I stepped over her and told the neighbors that I got all my stuff out of the house, and they are lunatics, and the lady was dead or something in there.  I didn't even have a heart then.  I was rich at the time.  To a 16 year old I was rich.

33: Alright, so from Carolina up to here.  A few more shows and then up to Canadia, eh?
RF: Canadia?

33: Yeah, that 51st state, the one right up...
MA: Yeah, they treat us well up there, like semi-royalty.
RF: Semi-royalty...
MA: We do get treated pretty well.  It's amazing so...

33: So who are you guys playing with during that part of the tour?
RF: A band called the Real Deal we play with up there and some other band in Montreal, but I don't remember.  I'm sure they will be terrific people to meet.

33: Alright, good stuff.  Here we go.  So what is the worst interview experience you have ever had?
MA: I could tell you the best one.  So it was right after 9/11, and a few band members were a little mad at certain people, and this girl had that tone.  So she starts to ask, "Where did you grow up?" and do this interview-type thing, and she's acting a little drunk.  So she's asking questions and leans in to kiss me, and next thing you know we were in a hotel fucking like jackrabbits.  People from that part of the world, they take it in every hole of their body.
RF: Oh my god.
MA: Now that was a great interview.
RF: Do not attribute that to me.  I have a girlfriend.
MA: Or Steve or Carl.  So again, not sure about the worst one, but the best one definitely.

33: Well, I guess that kind of fucks up my next question.  I was going to say, "Have you actually eaten any of your previous interviewers?" but...
MA: Uh no...maybe I went down, but I didn't actually eat them.

33: What?  No BBQ sauce, no teriyaki?

Missed the first half?  Check it out here.

Xxx-Guttermouth-Xxx.com

By Director, Genre Lead, and Editor: Andrew Wolfe

The Wolfe was born to a small litter in the mountains of West Virginia and transplanted to suburban Virginia Beach in the iconic year of 1984.  Left to the public school system, he soon became immersed in the varied subcultures of suburbia. Quickly he became a connoisseur of the rich substrata of disaffected youth in post-Reagan America.  Having to leave corporate tool-hood behind, the Wolfe prowls the silent alleyways in search of the next great spark of local music - the incendiary device that will reignite creativity in a music world gone wrong (apparently in the throes of Bieber Fever).

And other fun facts ...

Age: 33
Place of Birth: Parkersburg, West Virginia
Gender: Raoul Duke
Religion: Gonzo
Likes: Good music.  Drinking.  Smoking.
Dislikes: Ignorance.  People who take themselves too seriously.  People who say "I just wanted to touch bases with you."  It's "base" asshole, not a baseball reference.