Stafford - I didn’t get fired the first go-round so it looks like I’m back on assignment.  "Battle of the Bands" has been a corny cultural moniker for decades.  It makes me expect to see Michael J. Fox at a ‘50s sock hop doing “Johnny B. Goode,” but I’ve heard he moves too fast for the stage and those Van Halen solos anymore.  Nevertheless, it is time to return to the topic at hand.  The Battle of the Bands at Mick’s consisted of Alter Egoz, Stereo Morning, and Nine Down competing against one another with Vinyl Epitaph sitting in as judges and giving a performance at the end.  We have music to review and no time for my frustration with semantics....

The first band to perform was the drum/acoustic/vocals trio Stereo Morning.  The band has good pop sensibilities and the pitch and harmonies were well-executed, making for good overall structure.  More variation in rhythm and riff will strengthen their songs.  A lot of the lyrical content seemed to be about relationships.  However, I may be wrong.  I’m not good with poetry or relationships anymore.  A lot of lyrical content pertaining to relationships suggests a lot of, well, relationships.  Being ladies’ men has it’s perks now, but from an evolutionary perspective they may want to slow it down because the more partners one has, the less likely one will be able to monogamously partner up in the future.  Surely, we all want the glorious nuclear family arrangement that’s been problem-free for decades, so just be careful!  While some pay attention to the sound, I also pay attention to the fashion.  If you weren’t in the Hell’s Angels or at that Stones show that fell apart because of them, you can’t wear an Altamont t-shirt.  In this band member’s defense, it does look like a shirt he purchased at a gift shop in Altamont and not one of those faux "Aeropostale’s Crab Tire Oil-Change Shack: Altamont" shirts.

However, Altamont, you were correct for being miffed at certain members of the crowd.  Those that left early stepped on musical toes.  I heard you outside the venue expressing your angst and doubts after people left in numbers before the winner was announced.  Altamont, this IS what you do and it IS frustrating when people leave before all the art of the evening has been displayed and critiqued.  Walking out on artists is a rude and egregious breach of etiquette unless you’re making a political point like walking out on the Rite of Spring during the Paris debut.  Actually, I think a political parallel can be drawn.  In this town, those rude enough to leave are dumb enough to join the local Tea Party chapter.  It’s ok, no one in Fredericksburg has heard of the Rite of Spring.

Before Nine Down took the stage, I was observing the band and their following from my post in the periphery.  The group and entourage all dressed as neofolk lumberjacks with unisex haircuts sporting such bright flannel that they’d all land safely in a grab bag of tropical skittles.  I like the cohesion.  Seek the endorsement.  The sound of Nine Down is classic rock/folk that falls somewhere between Wilco and Springsteen with a gruffer Dylan on vocals.  Among the harmonica, ukulele, and all the acoustic texture, they’re working with imaginative instrumentation.  Most praise goes to the song about I-64 and women from southwest Virginia, “East Bound, Outta Town.”  The song is cool because it means something for us here in the region.  Who hasn’t been high from the night before driving somewhere from the girl you want to be with but won’t talk to you anymore?  The interstate is the place to piece together a few fragmented delightful memories from the bourbon soaked night before.

Before we roll along to Alter Egoz I must make an ancillary note.  I don’t think Mick’s house photographer needed to feel threatened by the presence of Magazine33’s very own photographer Ryan Barsanti.  He wasn’t intending to vie for her job.  His behavior usually isn’t threatening.  However, I remember one time when he was piss-ass drunk running through the bonfire in Vinyl Epitaph’s backyard.  He thought it was a good idea that night to climb trees without clothes alongside a local tattoo artist who looks like an angry jack-o-lantern.  I hope Ryan left the goats alone during the New Zealand sabbatical.  Ryan was taking pictures of Nine Down tying their shoes during an intermission while a Kevin Rudolph song was playing and some drunk woman was tripping on the stage, but after having talked with him we figured those pictures won’t make the page.  Anyway, here at Magazine33, we’re glad he’s back.

Back to the music...Alter Egoz is an R&B band with a hip-hop/jazz feel and they were the winners of the evening's competition.  The victory was deserved.  When the percussion section is knocking on nine skins, a D.C. go-go feel is inevitable, and it sounds great.  The musicians are talented and tight, and the layered melodies are warm.  As if the musicianship wasn’t enough, Alter Egoz forged the strongest connection with the crowd, and the groove was infectious.  The only real criticism is they shied away from the crowd-demanded encore.  Even if you have to repeat a song, do it.  The crowd wanted it that much.  As they add more original compositions to their song bank, Alter Egoz should be able to carve out an identity as an original band and only have to choose covers when those covers mean something to them.  Good performance, ladies and gentlemen.  We look forward to hearing more from you.

I’m running out of space because I’m only given 1,500 words for my rants so I can’t dig deep into Vinyl Epitaph’s performance on this one but I’ll cover a show in a later issue.  Vinyl Epitaph wasn’t competing, and I had a lot of ground to cover.  Hopefully there will be no hard feelings.  I wonder how having a fifteen-plus year history with the members of the band will cloud my objectivity as a critic.  I think the band can vouch when I say that I’m an inherently miserable person so they probably never feel completely secure when I open my mouth.  They would expect me to say something snarky about Mike’s Lil' Wayne haircut, Hugh no longer having the same haircut as Samara from The Ring, Nick’s knee socks, or Matt’s capacity to never keep a shirt on, but I won’t jump into it now.  The Bo-Flex is working, Matt.  

The ultimate moral of the article is this:  A Battle of the Bands has to consider complex factors before coming together.  It won’t fly as high without considering several facets of a good show.  Without planning, It would be like me trying to seduce a woman with tastes for Mozart and chess when I’m much more an Aphex Twin and pool hall kind of man - it was an epic fail and she moved to London.  It’s important to match artistic styles with the venue and the kind of people likely to come to the venue.  The artists, the venue, and the patrons all have psychological dimensions, and they contribute to the best possible show when all these aspects are properly aligned.  Bands of certain styles should compete against bands of that style and play for fans of that music.  If this constraint is put forth, it eliminates certain sample biases based on different musical tastes and judges can work towards finding artists worthy of the win.  Sure, diversity within a line up will work for bigger outdoor festivals, but Fredericksburg isn’t quite there yet.  We have sociopaths like Ted Nugent rambling at Celebrate Virginia about God-knows-what.  If he packs up his fortified compound and doesn’t turn Wegman’s into Waco, then maybe we can get smarter outdoor festivals.  For those doing the booking and band members alike, keep this in mind when promoting or accepting gigs.  

This prescription has been brought to you by M.D. Blackmore (trust your doctor) and the judge comment cards I stole from Vinyl Epitaph.  If something I said was offensive, surely I got it from their cards as my disposition is always pleasant.

MySpace.com/yroclee (Stereo Morning)

MySpace.com/AlterEgozBand

By Correspondent: Mike Blackmore

Mike Blackmore, a Fredericksburg native and D.C. dadaist, is a graduate of the University of Virginia and is cultivating a career based upon Audio Culture.  He is specifically focusing on arts administration, writing, DJing, production, and photography.  When Mike Blackmore is not globe trotting or offending church elders, he is working on his campaigns for 2012 that are a tandem gonzo blitz for both House of Representatives Elect for District 1 and Miss Virginia (a very pretty girl from UVA ran for Miss Virginia and it made Mike jealous).  Mike Blackmore is allergic to church, children and commitment, but likes strong coffee and vodka.

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